10 Questions to Really Get to Know Someone

Hand holding question mark

In the bustle of daily routine, you may not feel like you have the time to really get to know someone’s questions, even if you genuinely want to.

For instance, you may frequently see or even live with your special someone, but the two of you may barely have the opportunity to connect with each other on account of work responsibilities or other personal issues.

In addition to your partner, you may also feel distant from your family and friends, especially if they live far away.

When it comes to romantic relationships, there are many tips you might consider to increase feelings of intimacy or get to know someone new.

But, one of the most helpful tips to utilize in any situation is to ask questions and show a genuine interest in learning about the person in question. An essential part of promoting mental wellness is to work on strengthening or improving relationships.

Asking questions is perhaps the best to know someone better, even if that person is someone you’ve known for a while. People can grow apart, but the opposite is true as well.

Before Asking Questions

Before you start thinking about asking any questions, make sure you prepare yourself first.

First, communicate your desire to have a conversation if needed; you can even simply ask the person if they are interested in answering a few questions or catching up.

Assure them that you want to know more about them. At this stage, you can also tell them why you want to talk with them. If there are potential issues in the relationship or you feel distant from them, for instance, be sure to share these details.

It’s also helpful to find a quiet place for your conversation. You could go out to dinner, find a relaxing spot at a park, or arrange a meeting in your home. Choose an environment that feels welcoming and safe so that you can ask any question you want and provide honest answers.

One more thing to keep in mind is the importance of maintaining eye contact. Research suggests eye contact can help you understand your conversation partner on an emotional level.

Top 10 Questions to Get to Know Someone

The following list of questions is meant to serve as inspiration and is not exhaustive; feel free to come up with questions of your own or choose those most relevant to your situation.

Here are ten questions and ideas to help you get started:

  1.  What does a perfect day look like to you?
  2. What are three things that the two of you have in common?
    1. In coming up with three commonalities, you can find new activities to do with one another or reignite previous passions.
  3. In your life, what or who do you feel most grateful for?
    1. The answer will likely give you a good idea of what your partner values most.
  4. What is the importance of love in your life?
    1. Simply put, how does love play a role in your partner’s life? Are they working hard every day so that they can show and feel love?
  5. Which memory do you hold with the highest regard?
    1. This is another chance to gain a unique insight into your conversation partner’s priorities and goals.
  6. Share one positive characteristic of your partner.
  7. What’s something you haven’t told someone before?
  8. Think back on a personal problem and ask your partner how they would have handled it.
  9. How do you see friendship?
    1. What kind of role do your partner’s friends play in their life?
  10. What does your partner believe in the most?
    1. You can get a better grasp of the values your partner holds most dear to them, such as their bond with family or their views on their career.



No matter what the nature of your conversation is like, be sure to thank your conversation partner for their time and encourage them to engage in these sorts of interactions with you in the future.

Of course, these questions or a single conversation may not immediately bridge the gap between you and the person in question (or help you know someone new like the back of your hand), but it’s a healthy start that can make you understand who they are as a person.